Crossroads

By Will

This summer break from therapy feels different and a little like my long childhood summer holidays, kept by myself. Enhanced even more so by abiding in the countryside far away from the city and the rat race. Doing nothing is not easy and is tinged with a sense of guilt. I should be at the office (holding a belief that things fail without me) but the office is fine. I should be doing something constructive, but what and why? Before I left my therapist mentioned that I was in a transitional phase, that I was between places and that I should be careful and mindful of my inner drives. I took this warning seriously, but I wished that he would have said “you will be fine” or “enjoy your break” and it left me wide eyed and cautious.

I feel that I am armed with so much inner knowledge now and yet I feel that I am just the same and that I have not changed. My summer mantra is to be mindful, so whenever I sense the tirade of inner chatter and noise I bring myself back to the now. I keep thinking about moving to the country and a change of career, a new challenge involving people but both the answer and the drive allude me. If only I could meet a like minded soul and get married, that would sort everything out wouldn’t it? I sit here feeling so grateful that I am in good health and my business is going well so why worry. On my death bed I can’t imagine thinking I should have spent more time in the office.

I am not sure what all this means right now and my dreams are not shedding any light either, so I wonder off into the countryside again, camera in hand, waiting for something to happen.

At every crossroads on the path that leads to the future, tradition has placed 10,000 men to guard the past ~ Maurice Maeterlinck

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6 Comments

Filed under My Experiences On The Couch

6 responses to “Crossroads

  1. Thanks for posting the link on Twitter as it led me to your pages here. I use the same pattern of photo and comment at my site which you might find interesting. As for answers to questions, they are the least important part of the process. Living the questions is much more valuable 🙂 And, as Jung would tell us, hold the tension and see what emerges, something you need, something you least expect.

    • willyhutch59

      Thanks for leaving a comment Robert. I have looked at your site and will delve in a read some more as I really enjoyed the freeness of your writing and images. I do like photo and comment as it feels more creative. I will certainly be ‘living the questions’ while here in the countryside and again thanks for your comments.

  2. Another thought-provoking post, Will ~ reminds me of Keats’ ‘Negative Capability’: “that is, when a man is capable of being in uncertainties, mysteries, doubts, without any irritable reaching after fact and reason.”

    • Thanks Peter, ‘capable of being in uncertainties’ that screams at me at the moment. Once again thanks for your comments they are very important to me.

  3. Em Penn

    Will, have just read your blog, My femail perspective is, do what you feel like doing, and if moving to the country & changing your career is what you feel, then try it.The one advantage of being single is that, ‘You Can’, because there isn’t anyone else to consider. You never know by choosing this path, you may even find what your heart is searching for. A scenic route enriches life, so maybe not a crossroad just a life detour, you can always go back.

    • Thanks Emma, I am fortunate in that I do have a choice in changing my life as many people do not. “A scenic route enriches life” Very nice thank you.

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